From the Editor: Getting 'Spanky'd,' the Downside of Paddling
By Larry Lempert
Perhaps I'm just a glass-half-empty kinda guy, but I've often noticed that crash-and-burn paddling moments seem to be vividly etched in my memory while triumphant ones fade like stars in morning light. A friend suggested—way too kindly—that the former are relatively rare compared to the latter, hence their exalted place in memory. If only that were true!
This issue came to mind when, biking along Rock Creek on a steamy July day, I stopped to assess the scene of a crime committed last winter. I've run Rock Creek a lot, I'm going to say about 15 times, without problems (and without hospitalization due to the creek's infamously questionable water quality). But the level that fateful day was higher than I'm accustomed to. Suffice it to say for present purposes that a rather spectacular wipeout and resulting leg injury put me in drydock for three months. It was a mild, wet winter and early spring, so I missed some really good runs.
Taking in the scene, I thought that for me, "Rock Creek will never be the same." Instantly, a song lodged in my head, which I'll share since you're such loyal Cruiser readers if you've gotten this far. To appreciate it, you need either to remember a pop group active in the late 60s or to follow the web link I'll also share. Yes, I speak of Spanky and Our Gang, not as prolific as the Beatles but they did have some notable hits, not the least of which was "Sunday Will Never Be the Same." (It's well worth checking out this video of them performing the song on the Ed Sullivan Show.)
My cover version addresses the Rock Creek incident, and to tell yet another tale on myself, goes on to a more recent incident. (This helps put the lie to my friend's kind explanation above.) OK, laugh all you want: I pinned my canoe in the little drop at the bottom of Z Channel, the much-paddled access channel for heading down to Little Falls on the Potomac. True, it was the trickier line there, but I've done it a lot, proving if proof ever be needed that past performance is no guarantee of future results.
I know you simply can't wait any longer for the song, so here it is:
I remember happy paddling
I would go to Rock Creek Park
I'd shoot the rapids in my boat
And it was quite a lark
Now I bike along the creek
And see the fatal spot
You know I screwed up big time
Hematoma's what I got
Rock Creek will never be the same
(Rock Creek will never be the same)
I flipped and bashed my leg
I'll not go back again
Mild-mannered "Z"
That used to be a lot of fun
Is now a nasty little monster
When I think of what I've done
No longer can I ferry
River right is not my friend
Going straight is now my fate
Lest I pin from end to end
Z Channel will never be the same
(Z Channel will never be the same)
I nearly wrecked my boat
I'll not try that again
Z Channel will never be the same
Rock Creek will never be the same
My boat will never be the s-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ame
This ditty offers the significant benefit that verses can be added to address any number of future mishaps. Heck, I even authorize its use to bemoan any favorite mishaps of your own. Disasters on land are eligible just as much as those on water. Indeed, Gary Steinberg, CCA chair for kayak instruction, has already taken up the challenge. As a reward for helping a group he was leading scout the drop at Little Falls, he ended up with a broken wrist from breaking a fall on the rocks. He sings:
People say that scouting rapids
Is best to manage risk
But I wonder how true that is
'Twas on shore I broke my wrist
Paddlers of a certain age
Must heed the never scamper rule
Move too fast while chasing youngsters
I guarantee you'll play the fool
(Mumbling: I really should slow down, Oh #$&@%¥!!!)
Little Falls will never be the same
(Little Falls will never be the same)
From now on I'll read and run
And not go on shore again
Little Falls will never be the same!
Send your own bursts of creativity to the Cruiser if you want to share. I'm sure the river gods are big Spanky fans.